Snow Memories

“Oh the weather outside is frightful
But the fire is so delightful
Since we’ve no place to go
Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow” – From “Let It Snow” by Cahn and Styne

The wind is howling outside, and the snow  has drifted up against the kitchen door so it cannot be opened. Fortunately the front door is shielded by a covered entryway, so the dogs can get out that way. Even so the dogs hesitate to get out in the swirling snow and the battering of the wind, so I bundle up and step outside with them, and they quickly do their business and run back in. Seems today is a day to just hunker down, enjoy the fire in the pellet stove, and the company of a good book!

Am I ever grateful that my good neighbor, George, helped wheel in more sacks of pellets yesterday, and that the shop vac used to vacuum ashes out of the stove got a clean bag and filter! My back has been out since Thanksgiving, and yesterday was the first time in three weeks that I even went to the grocery store. The weather was sunny and mild yesterday, encouraging outings, so the dogs also got to go to the park for some runs to make up for all the days they haven’t even been walked.

This is totally different than the first snow we had in November. That brought back happy memories for me. There is something exciting about the first snow! It stirs warm, cosy feelings in me, and feelings of exuberance. I’m not a winter sports person, I’m really not a sports person at all, but the first snow makes me feel like a kid again. Probably because I have happy winter memories from my childhood. However, the first memory that did come to mind was not very happy at all. I was around five, six years old, and out cross-country skiing with my dad. The ski track was nice and firm, but my skills were very limited, and I kept falling a lot. The bindings kept coming off, my hand sunk deep into the drifts next to the track, the mittens were lost in the snow, and I couldn’t get up by myself. I’m sure it wasn’t a very fun trip for dad, who had to stop every few yards to help me up, but over the years things improved, and I remember other ski trips, long trips, in pristine landscapes, and the occasional thrill of good, long rides down some scary hills.  In the spring we used to ski out on the ice, enjoying the bleak sun, and the warmth when we stopped to rest behind a wind break. I was much older then, and the memory surprised me, because it means that I kept skiing all those years growing up.

It’s now been years since I donned skis, or skates,  or enjoyed the thrill of sledding in the winter, but that’s what my brothers and I used to do when we were young. We didn’t spend time in front of a tv or a computer, because we had neither, and the outdoors always beckoned, unless the weather was prohibitive. Even when it was cold we went skating, and more than once I came home with frostbitten cheeks. Fortunately it wasn’t anything that caused lasting damage, but it shows how immersed we were in our activities, since we didn’t even notice how cold we sometimes got.

It now seems like a picture perfect memory, or like something taken out of a movie, but at home mom waited with hot chocolate or a home cooked meal, and I can still remember the good feeling of tired limbs warming up over a bowl of soup or a steaming stew, and then a game of some kind, or a good read. We always played games when I was growing up, and I always read books, and I see now how beneficial that was. There was interaction, and togetherness, and something to feed the imagination, something that is easily lost in today’s media driven culture. My cousin and I even travelled across town just to sit together and read, pouring over the adventures of Selma Lagerlöf’s “The Wonderful Adventures of Nils”, or some other big epic.

The first snow in New Mexico in November didn’t bring a lot, but enough to change the landscape and to cover trees and bushes with a layer of white. I went for a walk before the rest of the town woke up, and I took just Pia, the heeler mix, along for the early exploration. It was still snowing a bit, and the ground was wet, but a wonderful feeling of happiness rose in me, and made me feel excited about being alive. It also brought up the expectation of Christmas, and that was kind of early, since we were still many weeks away from the Holiday season! It is amazing how memories hidden away in the depth of our being can bring such joy! The flip side, of course, is that hidden memories can also bring sadness, anger or grief, and they can do that even when we don’t remember what it is that causes these emotions to arise.

That morning, however, my focus was on happiness, and walking through the quiet streets with Pia, I couldn’t put my finger on what it was that made me feel so happy, but thinking about it, the memories gradually came back. Lovely memories from the growing up years that I hadn’t thought of in decades! What a gift to find those jewels! And thinking about them today, they alter how I view the rest of the growing up years. It’s too easy to be selective in our memories, and too often the upsetting memories remain on top, and cloud our vision. Remembering my parents the way they were back then makes it easier to put up with their grouchiness now. Mom’s been ill for many years, and there is not much left of the beautiful and sparkly person she once was, and dad has been caught taking care of her, and become quite tired and worn out in the process. Life shrinks decidedly when illness enters the picture, and so much of what could’ve brightened their senior years has been out of reach. These last few weeks mom, too, has been out with severe back pain to the point of being hospitalized and put on heavy pain medication, and dad has been out with a bad cold. Although we geographically live half a world apart, it seems we have gone through the same pains at the same time, and it has reminded me of the bonds we share with our family, and other people close to us.

Let us cherish the people in our lives, and focus on what we have in common rather than on things that separate us. Let us breathe in the comfort of happy memories, of moments of togetherness and ease, and let that be our guiding star this Christmas season. Even among the most difficult of memories there are pearls of tenderness hidden, and if we can just remember them, they will light up the whole landscape of our memories.

Here is my wish for you: Please let a happy memory light up your day today, and all the days of this Holiday season, and remember to tell someone how much you love and appreciate them. Tomorrow it might be too late. Cherish the good times, and allow them to brighten your life. In the end it is all good!

 

Featured Image by Monica

 

“Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow!” – also known as just “Let It Snow” – is a song written by lyricist Sammy Cahn and composer Jule Styne in July of 1945. The song was written in Hollywood, California, during a heat wave as Cahn and Styne imagined cooler conditions.